So, I’m cruising around online, right? Just, you know, casually browsing for… uh… important things. Like, you know, socks. Or maybe world peace. And BAM! I see this Saks ad. It’s all “Valentino Garavani Men’s Designer Belts” and “Free Shipping and Returns.” Okay, Valentino. Fancy. Belts. Got it.
Then, right underneath, is this totally unrelated (or is it?!) ad: “File your taxes for free.” Like, what does this HAVE to do with the price of tea in China, or more importantly, a swanky Valentino belt? I mean, are they implying that if I buy a Valentino belt, I can somehow *deduct* it on my taxes? Is that even a thing? I kinda doubt it. My accountant would laugh me right out of his office. And probably charge me for the privilege.
But then… the plot thickens! There’s ANOTHER ad, this time for THE OUTNET, touting “Valentino belts sale | Shop women’s designer accessories in the brand’s unique styles. Buy luxury fashion at outlet discount prices.” Okay, now we’re talking discounts. That’s more my speed. But wait… what if… *what if* we COMBINE all three ads?
Hear me out. What if there’s some mystical loophole, some secret code, some… I don’t know… *Tax-Free Valentino Belt Deal* lurking just beneath the surface of the internet? I mean, Saks offers free shipping. THE OUTNET offers discounts. And someone (presumably) offers free tax filing.
Could it be that if I strategically purchase a Valentino belt from THE OUTNET during a sale, and then use my tax refund (filed for free, of course!) to pay for it, I’m basically getting a… a… *Tax-Free Valentino Belt*?
Okay, okay, I know it’s a stretch. A HUGE stretch. Probably a totally bonkers, mathematically unsound stretch. I’m probably just projecting my desire for a ridiculously overpriced belt onto the innocent internet. But a girl can dream, right?
Honestly, I’m probably better off just sticking to my trusty old thrift store belt and using the money I saved to, you know, pay my actual taxes. But the idea of a Tax-Free Valentino Belt… it’s just so wonderfully absurd, so deliciously illogical… it’s almost tempting enough to try.
Almost.
Maybe next year. And maybe I’ll win the lottery too. You know, just to sweeten the deal.
